Movie Review: “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters”

Gory, foul-mouthed, action packed, and hilarious.

**** out of 5

88 minutes

Rated R for strong fantasy horror violence and gore, brief sexuality/nudity and language

Paramount Pictures

Article first published as Movie Review: Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters on Blogcritics.

Any time you know a film has been sitting on the studio’s shelf for over year, has been given the post-production 3D conversion, and then gets released in January, it usually spells certain death. Any time the film winds up being the final product that is Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, is another story. Here’s a film that’s been getting raked over the coals in release scheduling hell. Not to mention the studio had two cuts of the film screening to preview audiences, trying to decide whether to go with a safer PG-13 or go balls out with director Tommy Wirkola’s original R-rated version. Having finally seen the end product, Paramount Pictures has chosen wisely with the R-rated cut and audiences are in for a bigger treat than they could have ever imagined.

In this update of the classic Brothers Grimm fairytale, young Hansel (Cedric Eich) and Gretel (Alea Sophia Boudodimos) are taken out into the forest by their father (Thomas Scharff) under the order of their mother Adrianna (Kathrin Kühnel). Alone and afraid, we all know they’re about to wind up at a witch’s candy house where they will throw her into a fire. But now the story moves forward to “many years later” as we find out that Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) are all grown up and have a huge bone to pick with witches practicing the black arts. This leads them to the town of Ausburg, under the ruling thumb of Sheriff Berringer (Peter Stormare), whether Mayor Engleman (Rainer Bock) likes it or not.

Hansel and Gretel show up just in time to save the life of a red-haired maiden named Mina (Pihla Viitala) who Berringer is accusing of being a witch. Upon inspection she is released from being drowned in a bucket in the town square. Mina begins to follow Hansel’s every move as he and his sister investigate the disappearance of 11 children. They soon learn that a Grand Witch named Muriel (Famke Janssen) is leading a pack of fellow witches to gather the children before the Blood Moon in three nights time to use their blood for a potion that will make them invincible. Turns out, the only missing ingredient is more than a 12th child and puts Hansel and Gretel up against greater odds than they ever could have imagined. Now they must band together with their biggest fan Ben (Thomas Mann) and a troll named Edward (played by Derek Mears but voiced by Robin Atkin Downes) to stop Muriel and her coven of witches.

My expectations were way higher than anyone else’s walking into Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, but only based on director Wirkola’s previous film, Dead Snow, a zombie comedy action film that I missed during the 2009 Sundance Film Festival. That movie was full of all kinds of hilarious movie references, skewered traditional horror tropes, and packed with plenty of gory action. I had even higher hopes when I found out the producers were Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, and Chris Henchy who brought us the hilarious buddy-cop movie The Other Guys.

Imagine my delight as I laughed throughout and cringed at gore on the level of anything the Final Destination franchise has brought. Maybe Wirkola should be brought in for the next installment. I can only imagine that it would be the most blood soaked yet! The two funniest jokes involve faces of the missing children attached to milk bottles and the fact that Hansel is diabetic. “When I was younger, a witch made me eat too much candy,” he tells Mina after beginning to go into diabetic shock. But the biggest surprise was that it was screened in IMAX 3D for us along with an exclusive clip from Paramount’s upcoming G.I. Joe: Retaliation. Talk about a treat. As my guest said after it was over, “My inner eight-year-old has a boner.” Consider us sold. Even the 3D conversion here is a pretty big success and looks really good.

So check your expectations at the door and make sure you don’t miss what will surely be the year’s biggest surprise as Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is gory, foul-mouthed, action packed, and hilarious. I loved it.

Photos courtesy Paramount Pictures

Movie Review: “The Last Stand”

“He has an army,” but they have an Arnie!

**** out of 5

107 minutes

Rated R for strong bloody violence throughout, and language

Lionsgate

Article first published as Movie Review: The Last Stand (2012) on Blogcritics.

The smell of nostalgia is in the air again. Within mere weeks we will see the return of no less than three ’80s action superstars. While we have to wait the longest for A Good Day to Die Hard (Feb 14), there’s also Sylvester Stallone in Walter Hill’s Bullet to the Head. In the meantime, this weekend sees the return of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Hollywood’s biggest action star, in director Kim Jee-woon’s Hollywood debut, The Last Stand. While the film is definitely a step up from John Woo’s Hard Target, Kim brings his Korean action film sensibilities while not being afraid to give American audiences what they expect too. The Last Stand is one of the better action films the ’80s never gave us.

Nine miles outside of Vegas, a State Trooper (Arron Shiver) clocks something flying by at 197 mph. He thinks it’s someone flying a jet plane around with its lights off. What really flew by is the (following film presented by) Chevy Corvette ’01. The car is on its way to Vegas where Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega) is being transported to death row by a SWAT team lead by Agent John Bannister (Forest Whitaker). Cortez is helped to escape where he takes off in said Corvette with Agent Ellen Richards (Genesis Rodriguez) as hostage. Bannister knows Cortez is headed for the border but not before he has to pass through the sleepy town of Sommerton, Arizona.

Summerton County Sheriff Ray Owens (Schwarzenegger) has stayed behind to keep an eye on things while the rest of town head off to watch the local high school football team attempt a state championship. Bannister informs Ray that Cortez may be headed his way. Ray soon discovers the local farmer is found murdered by Cortez’ henchmen Burrell (Peter Stormare), the fishy truck driver he met in the diner earlier that day. Taking Cortez’ assault on his town personally, he’s loading up on firepower along with the help of Deputies Sarah (Jaimie Alexander) and Mike (Luis Guzman), and deputized prisoner Frank (Rodrigo Santoro) and town loon Lewis Dinkum (Johnny Knoxville).

While the film’s IMDB page has varied writing credits, the final credit on screen belongs to Andrew Knauer. This may be his first produced screenplay but Knauer knows his action movies. Having George Nolfi (The Adjustment Bureau) as a writing supervisor certainly doesn’t hurt either. And director Kim obviously knows action (see The Good, the Bad, the Weird immediately). Things may not play out as a spoof a la Hot Fuzz or MacGruber, but it’s more than just an homage film. Kim may take some parts too seriously and the movie has too much padding with boring character development that adds nothing. What we came for is to see stuff go boom and cars go vroom, and that’s exactly what we get.

The Last Stand will thankfully not be Schwarzenegger’s last film and I couldn’t be happier than to welcome him back. Arnie’s most quoted line certainly applies here — he’s back and right where he belongs.

Photos courtesy Lionsgate

Movie Review: “Gangster Squad”

Lots of gunfire that never hits the bullseye.

*** out of 5

113 minutes

Rated R for strong violence and language

Warner Bros. Pictures

Article first published as Movie Review: Gangster Squad on Blogcritics.

It’s probably next to impossible to write a review about Gangster Squad without mentioning the tragedy that happened in Aurora, Colorado, last summer during a Dark Knight Rises screening. Originally featuring a scene with a big shootout taking place inside a crowded movie theater, Warner Bros. wisely decided to push the release of Gangster Squad back so that director Ruben Fleischer could shoot a new alternate scene to replace it. Set to release back in September of 2012, and having now seen the film, it’s obvious that the replacement scene wasn’t the only reason for Warner Bros. moving the film to the “dump month” of January. The film has way more issues than what was replaced, but more on that to come.

Gangster Squad is inspired by the true story of a band of cops brought together to bring down mob boss Mickey Cohen (Sean Penn). Set in 1949, Cohen is striking a reign of terror into the heart of Los Angeles, mistaking everything he does as “progress,” not murder. Sgt. John O’Mara (Josh Brolin) has had enough and follows a girl fresh off the train to one of Mickey’s buildings. After single-handedly rescuing the girl and arresting three of Mickey’s men, John is asked by Chief Parker (Nick Nolte) to wage some guerilla warfare on Mickey to give the City of Angels back to the people.

With the help of fellow Sgt. Jerry Wooters (Ryan Gosling) and Officers Coleman Harris (Anthony Mackie), Conway "Redshirt" Keeler (Giovanni Ribisi), Max Kennard (Robert Patrick), Navidad Ramirez (Michael Peña), and Conway Keeler, they band together to bring Mickey down if it’s the last thing they do. Even if against the will of John’s pregnant wife, Connie (Mireille Enos), who handpicked John’s Gangster Squad herself, and puts the life of Grace (Emma Stone) (Jerry’s girl who also happens to “belong” to Mickey) on the line.

Gangster Squad does start out rather nicely; we get Sean Penn chewing every piece of scenery he can while ripping mob bosses from Chicago in half, while John is lopping off gangster hands using elevator lifts. But it’s all downhill as the runtime goes on. Gosling and Stone seem to be in their own little film, which would be fine if that were the one we were watching. Instead, we get treated to more and more screentime with Penn apparently thinking he’s starring in an R-rated Dick Tracy 2. And just when things start to get too boring, the finale shows up to blow you away — with the loudest shootout imaginable. If Penn wasn’t able to keep your eyes open with his insistent yelling, the theater’s sound system has all kinds of ear-piercing chaos just waiting to shoot its load.

Screenwriter Will Beall adapts Paul Lieberman’s novel as best he can, but we’re a long way from The Departed or Goodfellas. Beall is also attached to write Warner Bros’ Justice League, with the Logan’s Run remake and Lethal Weapon 5 also on his plate. He does have a knack for witty characters, so maybe a group of superheroes and a couple of aging/bickering cops might be right up his alley. As for director Fleischer, his only upcoming film is the announced Zombieland 2, which should hopefully bring him back to the limelight we were hoping he deserved. But after 30 Minutes or Less and Gangster Squad, going back to basics could be just what he needs.

Photos courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures

Blu-ray Review: Four Mario Bava Films from Kino Lorber

Mario Bava continues to impress from beyond the grave on Blu-ray.

Article first published as Blu-ray Review: Four Mario Bava Films from Kino Lorber on Blogcritics.

If there was ever a director who should’ve been part of the team behind HBO’s Tales from the Crypt it was Mario Bava. Murder, madness, and mayhem were all the rage when the show aired back in 1989 but sadly, Bava had passed nine years too soon. Kino Lorber has recently been churning out a few of his greatest hits on Blu-ray and one in particular (Hatchet for the Honeymoon part of Kino’s Redemption line) seems to have at least a few things in common with the Crypt episode Lover Come Hack to Me. There also seems to be a lot of mommy issues to deal with in Hatchet and Lisa and the Devil showing Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho influencing filmmakers more than just stateside.

The rest of the Mario Bava Collection includes Black Sunday (The Mask of Satan) – featuring witches and vampires – and a double feature disc including two versions of one film: the superior original cut of Lisa and the Devil (featuring Telly Savalas as the Devil himself) along with its awful alternate cut retitled The House of Exorcism. The latter shows how you can take a masterpiece, chop it to pieces, and dumb it down beyond words. Whatever was going through producer Alfredo Leone’s (“directing” under the name Mickey Lion) head when he decided to interject the original with an all new subplot involving demon possession and throw in some out-of-place nudity we’ll never know. He claimed they needed to have the film “make sense” but all they did was make it not only more confusing, but unwatchable as well.

All four films come mastered in high definition from 35mm elements and look pretty incredible all things considered. Black Sunday fares the best which comes as no surprise considering it’s the only black and white film. Hatchet for the Honeymoon looks really good but suffers from the same things that get in the way of Lisa and Exorcism’s transfers. Hairs, strobing, nicks and scratches, and random fuzziness rear their heads, but there are also scenes with incredible clarity that make you wonder how some of it looks so much better than the rest. All four of the films look better than they ever have and Black Sunday is a slam dunk.

Bear in mind that none of the films have been fully restored, but thankfully the 35mm prints used are in better shape than they have any right to be. They also sound pretty great too, aside from Hatchet sounding like the audio track was dubbed off of an old LP. Each come with uncompressed PCM 2.0 tracks and all four commentary tracks from Tim Lucas, author of Mario Bava: All the Colors of the Dark. The only other special features are the film’s trailers with Black Sunday getting a TV spot thrown in for good measure. The House of Exorcism gets its own audio commentary featuring star Elke Sommer and producer Alfredo Leone and an 18 minute interview with Bava’s son Lamberto called “Bava on Bava: An Interview with Lamberto Bava” brought to us by Daniel Gouyette.

Gothic, atmospheric, and beautifully photographed, these Mario Bava Blu-rays are here to prove he still deserves the praise received for his body of work. Considering he also worked as cinematographer (Hatchet and Black Sunday) and wrote (Lisa, Sunday, and Hatchet) his own films, there aren’t very many directors that can lay claim to having so much control behind the scenes. Maybe this is why his films are still considered classics, masterpieces, or both and still being watched today. All four are now available to own, along with Baron Blood that was featured in my Kino Lorber Holiday Gift Guide and are highly recommended for anyone looking to further their cinematic education.

Cover art courtesy Kino Lorber