Movie Review: 'Lucky Bastard'

** out of 5
94 minutes
NC-17
Cavu Pictures

Article first published as Movie Review: 'Lucky Bastard' on Blogcritics.

As if the found footage genre didn’t already have one foot in the grave, here comes another nail in the coffin with the porn-themed Lucky Bastard. Slapped with an NC-17 rating and revolving around a porn shoot gone wrong, you’d think the film might be ripe with possibilities. Unfortunately, there’s barely enough shenanigans to make up even a short film, let alone drag them out to feature length boredom. Had this been an actual adult entertainment production they could have gone all out with the titillation — which would have at least been a saving grace for the plodding plot. But all we’re left with are characters running around in circles while plot contrivances pile up faster than the dead bodies.

Lucky Bastard is the name of a porn site run by Mike (Don McManus) where a lucky subscriber gets picked to have sex with a porn star. Mike has finally convinced their most popular star, Ashley Saint (Betsy Rue), to participate, but under the condition that she gets to pick the winner. They finally set their sights on Dave (Jay Paulson), a ginger Army vet mourning the loss of his brother. Mike, Ashley Saint, Mike’s girlfriend Casey (Catherine Annette), and cameraman Kris (Chris Wylde), pick up Dave where everything instantly goes awry. Between toting a Dodgers T-shirt and freaking out when Ashley tries to grab his crotch, it goes from bad to worse after Dave starts to come off like a stalker when he reveals he calls Ashley by her real name and knows the names of her kids. Let alone that once they get to the rented reality-TV house, Dave shows his true colors after they turn him into a joke after a bout of premature ejaculation, and starts picking off the crew one by one.

Let’s get one thing straight here, Lucky Bastard may be rated NC-17, but just know that it’s only for a few quick shots of floppy penises. Like I said before, had they used real porn stars and went all out with the sex and violence, director/co-writer Robert Nathan, along with co-writer Lukas Kendall, could have upped the ante in the tired sub-genre. Even a dash of “torture porn” would have at least provided something more interesting than anything found in this snail-paced mess. Rue has been seen with her clothes off before in the far more entertaining My Bloody Valentine remake, and character actor McManus seems better fit in the tiny roles he usually plays. Here, he comes off as a low-rent Ken Marino, who would have been fantastic in something as schlocky as this. There is a good idea planted in the center of Lucky Bastard, it’s just too bad no one had any idea what to do with it. Maybe the target demographic will get lucky and someone like Digital Playground or even Hustler Video will make a spoof version.