Movie Review: “War Horse”

A Spielberg double whammy for your year-end pleasure.

**** ½ out of 5
146 minutes
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of war violence
DreamWorks SKG

Article first published as Movie Review: War Horse on Blogcritics.

Grand. Sweeping. Epic. These are all words used to probably describe something a little more old fashioned than what we’re used to these days. Even more so when it comes to Steven Spielberg lately, who actually hasn’t even released a film in four years. While his last feature may have been rather polarizing (“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”), he’s taken a lot of heat over the last few years and has laid claim to a new Hollywood catch phrase called “nuking the fridge.”

Back in the old days of the true Hollywood epics (“Gone with the Wind,” “Ben Hur,” “The Ten Commandments,” etc.) these adjectives were heard on a regular basis. Today they’re nearly unheard of. Sometimes something may seem epic when really it’s just getting confused with being way too long. Leave it to Spielberg to harken back to both the glory days of old fashioned cinema, along with his own unique vision. While he may seem more caught up in the sci-fi of technology as of late (“War of the Worlds,” “Minority Report,” “A. I.”) “The Beard” is back with his big screen adaptation of the Tony Award winning stage play of “War Horse.”

Originally a children’s novel written by Michael Morpurgo, it was adapted as a stage play by Nick Stafford. Performed with puppets, which only brings to mind “The Lion King,” I’m sure it’s a rather magnificently interesting presentation. I think the best way to see the material truly brought to life would be through the film where you can get up close and personal with Joey. Joey is of course the title horse who is born in 1914.

As a thoroughbred, Joey is drunkenly bought at auction by Ted Narracott (Peter Mullan) against everyone else’s good graces for his farm. We are told thoroughbreds do not make for good use on a farm. Joey also, before, was being eyed by Ted’s son, Albert (Jeremy Irvine), out in the wild. Now that Ted has spent all of his rent money on Joey, his landlord Lyons (David Thewlis) gives Ted until the autumn to come up with the rest. Albert assures Lyons that he can break Joey and they will plow their field to harvest turnips. After the whole town shows up to see if Albert can really break Joey, it takes a fluke rainstorm to show everyone what Joey can do.

After yet another rainstorm ruins their crops, Ted is forced to sell Joey to the Army as England is on the verge of war with Germany and he needs to make good on his rent. Albert tries to enlist but is too young. Captain Nicholls (Tom Hiddleston, “Thor”), however, assures Albert that Joey will be taken under his own wing as his personal horse. After Joey is taken off to join the ranks, where Joey strikes up a bromance with Topthorn, Albert is left to farming wondering if he’ll ever see Joey again.

Going into “War Horse,” I’ll admit that I had no idea that the story was actually about Joey. And let me tell you, the film really wouldn’t work any other way. Oh sure, they could have used it as a way to intertwine two connected stories between Albert and Joey, but the film is also about war to a large extent. And since Albert isn’t old enough to fight for country yet, it’s Joey who is taken off to fight the good fight. This is when you realize that we are following Joey’s war torn trials and tribulations. Even if it means that anyone connected to the horse through the war seems bound for death.

Screenwriters Lee Hall (“Billy Elliott”) and Richard Curtis (“The Boat That Rocked,” “Love Actually,” “Four Weddings and a Funeral”) have provided Spielberg with a screenplay of old school proportions. Even if this is Spielberg’s first foray into digital editing, Michael Kahn is still in tow, who’s been along for the ride on every Spielberg venture since all the way back to “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.” While Spielberg may have used various cinematographers for his earlier work, Janusz Kaminski has been behind the lens ever since “Schindler’s List.” While some may hate the blooming whites or washed out look of most of their films, Kaminski finally makes things look like an older Spielberg film with a more natural, if not sometimes more digital, appearance.

Special consideration goes out to the cast who of course give their all. I mean, who wouldn’t when you’re in a Spielberg film, right? Especially Jeremy Irvine, making his film debut. But as great as Irvine is, it’s the horse, or horses, playing the part of Joey who really steal the show. Films about animals tend to get taken over by the human story (think “Seabiscuit,” “Secretariat”), but here we get to really see Joey’s story come to life and get a great animal performance. Sometimes I think animals give far better performances than humans anyway. When it comes to horses and dogs, they really take the cake as you can generally tell what they may be thinking. And in the case of “War Horse” it’s a damn good thing; otherwise, it’d just be “Saving Private Ryan’s Stallion.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that with Spielberg at the reigns.

Photos courtesy DreamWorks SKG

Movie Review: “The Adventures of Tintin”

My favorite animated film of the year finally makes its way across the pond.

***** out of 5
107 minutes
Rated PG for adventure action violence, some drunkenness and brief smoking
Paramount Pictures

Article first published as Movie Review: The Adventures of Tintin on Blogcritics.

While motion capture in film is nowhere near as intolerable as when first introduced via Robert Zemeckis’ excruciating “Polar Express,” it sure has come a long way. This year, however, it may have even finally hit its stride. From the dusty plains of “Rango” to Andy Serkis’ hopeful Oscar-nominated turn as Caesar in “Rise of the Planet of the Apes,” it was only a matter of time before Zemeckis’ long time buddy, Steven Spielberg, unsurprisingly, one upped him. Along with producer Peter Jackson as his partner in crime, Hergé’s beloved Belgian character finally gets a sea worthy big budget adaptation in “The Adventures of Tintin.”

While already a huge moneymaker overseas (currently standing at a massive $239 million), this isn’t the first time Tintin and his faithful canine companion Snowy have made their way to the States. When it was announced that Spielberg and Jackson were uniting to bring a trilogy of sorts to the big screen, it was a moment of glee. Even if just because I knew they would set out to prove exactly what you can really do with full length motion capture animated films and 3-D features as well.

The story may seem a tad convoluted, but that’s not the point of “The Adventures of TinTin.” Spielberg has finally made the best “Indiana Jones”-like film since Indy rode off into the sunset in 1989. Tintin (Jamie Bell) is a young reporter who’s just set his sights on a replica of the fabled Unicorn, a model ship. After it’s quickly snatched away by Ivanovich Sakharine (Daniel Craig), Tintin finds himself kidnapped where he meets up with the whiskey swilling Captain Haddock (Andy Serkis). Together, the three (Snowy in tow), must travel the globe to discover the secret of the Unicorn including a lost treasure buried beneath the sea by Haddock’s pirating relative, Sir Francis Haddock (Serkis again), after the best “Pirates of the Caribbean” sea battle Disney never gave us.

The screenplay was originally drafted by Steven Moffat (“Dr. Who,” “Sherlock,” “Coupling”), with a rewrite by the brilliant Edgar Wright (“Shaun of the Dead,” “Hot Fuzz”, “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World”) and Joe Cornish (“Attack the Block”). The three have written an amazing film that could easily have taken place within the “Indiana Jones” universe. If they wound up being our Three Wise Men for the rumored fifth venture, I’d be even more on board than I already am. As a Spielberg fanatic, I have to admit that I didn’t despise “Crystal Skull.” I know how much he loves his aliens and considering the timeline of the entry it fit in far better than people may want to admit.

Now Spielberg and Jackson have welcomed in a whole new kind of adventure. Where, thanks to the CG assistance of course, whole action sequences can be breathtakingly choreographed into a single take. And considering the writers, it should come as no surprise that there are references aplenty to The Beard’s previous work, along with the original Hergé comics as well. As I mentioned the motion capture here finally works – even if Jamie Bell may seem a bit too wide eyed and you’re dying for him to blink.

But nothing spoils the fun thanks to Spielberg reveling in his yesteryears and whisking us away on his most grand adventure in a long time. If it hadn’t been for the aforementioned “Rango” being a complete original, where this is based on previous material, it would be my frontrunner for best animated film of the year at the Academy Awards. As it stands however, “The Adventures of Tintin” still takes the case of being my favorite animated film of the year.

Photos courtesy Paramount Pictures

Movie Review: “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol”

Best. “Mission.” Yet.

***** out of 5
133 minutes
Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense action and violence
Paramount Pictures

Article first published as Movie Review: Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol on Blogcritics.

A lot of people have been integrating IMAX filmed footage into their movies lately. While the best are few and far between and range from the great to awful (“The Dark Knight” to “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”), there’s still plenty of room to keep our mouths agape. And if director Brad Bird has anything to do with it, his live action debut, “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol,” seems set out to make sure that if you don’t already suffer from acrophobia, you just might after his central pièce de résistance is over.

Brad Bird is best known as the genius behind one of the single greatest superhero movies ever made (“The Incredibles”). And was also the man who made the world discover that yes, anyone can cook, even if it’s a rat named Remy (“Ratatouille”). It was only a matter of time before someone handed him a camera and a deft screenplay (courtesy of producer J.J. Abrams’ regular partners in crime, Josh Applebaum and Andre Nemec), letting him set his sights on a big-budget action film. If you thought his visuals in “The Incredibles” lived up that film’s title, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

In “Ghost Protocol,” we meet up with Ethan Hunt locked up in a Moscow prison. Benji and Co. have just arrived to break him and fellow inmate Bogdan (Miraj Grbic) out to the tune of “Ain’t That a Kick in the Head.” We’ve also seen another agent, Hanaway (Josh Holloway, “Lost”), being taken out by who turns out to be an assassinating blonde (Léa Seydoux) with high ambitions. Jane and Benji inform Ethan that Hanaway was killed by Sabine Moreau while they were attempting to obtain some documents. Turns out said documents just happen to be nuclear launch codes.

The codes are also being hunted down by our current antagonist, Hendricks (Michael Nyqvist). Hendricks of course just wants to use them to start an all out nuclear war. Things get a little tricky for the team however, as the IMF has disavowed all agents thanks to Hendricks setting off an explosion inside the Kremlin. Now Ethan and his crew are about to be declared terrorists right after choosing to accept their mission of finding Hendricks and obtaining the codes. But not before the Russians take out the IMF Secretary (Tom Wilkinson) with a hailstorm of bullets leaving everyone en route to Dubai to get back the nuclear launch codes and save the day.

There’s been a whole lot of press surrounding Tom Cruise and his daredevil antics during the filming of “Ghost Protocol” — most of it having to do with his leaping, crawling, and running down the face of Dubai’s Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world. When Ethan Hunt (Cruise) and his band of merry IMF misfits – Benji (Simon Pegg), Jane (Paula Patton), and Brandt (Jeremy Renner) – discover their most current MacGuffin is related to the building’s 130th floor, you get a whole new perspective on the ground floor. By now we all know that yes, that is Tom Cruise performing his own stunts as usual and it’s all for the greater good.

With J.J. Abrams returning as producer, even if handing off the reigns to Bird, there’s some surprising continuity for a change. And not just because of some select characters (including series favorite Luther Stickell, Ving Rhames) making joyful appearances. We also get back composer Michael Giacchino who infuses the film with his own musical cues tying this film with “III,” even if at least thematically. Not to mention that writers Applebaum and Nemec have plenty of background in the spy business after having worked on Abrams’ own “Alias.” It’s like a big welcome conglomeration of everything Bad Robot and Pixar.

Plenty of references abound, ranging from Ethan using extraction code Alpha 1-1-3 to Jane’s use of a red balloon. Not to mention the finale which will seem all too familiar, yet every bit as fun, as the door chase sequence in “Monsters, Inc.” And finally, anyone who doesn’t take the time to witness “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” the way it was meant to be seen, on their local IMAX (if available at least), is only shortchanging themselves. “Ghost Protocol” is definitely one of the year’s most fun films.

Photos courtesy Paramount Pictures

Movie Preview: December 2011

Get ready for a holiday wallop!

Article first published as Movie Preview: December 2011 on Blogcritics.

It’s that time of year again. While the snow may not be falling in my neck of the woods yet, the awards season is ramping up. And while the cinematic presents may seem few and far between, that doesn’t mean the month will leave you out in the cold. While nothing of true note may be opening until December 16, that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth waiting for.

December 2

Sorry, literally not one new film opening. Nothing to see here folks, moving along…

December 9

While “Valentine’s Day” was absolutely one of the worst films of 2010 doesn’t mean that the “creators” of that monstrosity shouldn’t try capitalizing on yet another holiday. Now you get “New Year’s Eve.” You’re welcome. Poor Gary Marshall is still out to prove just how much he’s forgotten about how to make a great romantic comedy, or even just a fun movie. Long gone are the days of “Pretty Woman,” “Beaches,” “Overboard,” “Nothing in Common,” “The Flamingo Kid” or even “Frankie & Johnny.” Something sure seems to have sucked the life out of ol’ Marshall during the ’90s and he’s never recovered.

Look no further than “Exit to Eden,” “Dear God,” “The Other Sister,” “Runaway Bride,” “Raising Helen,” “The Princess Diaries 2,” “Georgia Rule,” and the aforementioned “Valentine’s Day.” The first “Princess Diaries” was a small trifle compared to the rest of those. Let alone that writer Katherine Fugate seems to think that having Katherine Heigl (one of my most hated celebrities) crack jokes about there being “more celebrities here than rehab,” or poor Sofia Vergara being degraded into making jokes about how big her boobs are. I will hopefully never have to bear witness to what befalls audiences here. However, if New Year’s Eve were this movie, I could get behind it.

Meanwhile, Jonah Hill makes his final onscreen fat appearance in a movie that just screams “Adventures in Babysitting” ripoff – “The Sitter.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But when it comes from the same guy who used to direct the likes of “George Washington,” “All the Real Girls,” “Undertow,” and “Snow Angels,” apparently being friends with the Apatow Crew is a more surefire way to keep your day job. Even while the law of diminishing returns could be used against him. “Pineapple Express” was a surprise hit all things considered, and while I’m in the minority who enjoyed “Your Highness,” you can’t help but wonder about this one as the studio refuses to screen it. Guess we’ll just have to wait for Hill’s hilarious looking “21 Jump Street” to see the freshly weight lost Hill back in action.

December 16

Now we’re getting to the good stuff. First there’s an artsy fartsy headed our way reuniting the team behind “Juno”: Diablo Cody and Jason Reitman. While Reitman has more hits on resume than Cody, together there seems to be something grand between the two of them. Also today, we get the return of everyone’s favorite detective, “Sherlock Holmes,” who’s up against his arch nemesis Professor Moriarty (Jared Harris). Jude Law and Rachel McAdams return as well for “A Game of Shadows” with the original “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” herself, Noomi Rapace, along for the ride. With a trailer featuring as many slo-mo action sequences as anything released by Zack Snyder, a sense of fun and wise-cracking seems to be headed our way once again with Guy Ritchie seeming to be fully enjoying his deserved turn in the Hollywood spotlight. Game on!

Also out, in an IMAX exclusive release is Brad Bird’s (“Iron Giant,” “The Incredibles”) ascent into live action with a little movie you may have heard of, “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol.” (Expanding to a wide release on December 21.) After a bombing in the Kremlin, super spy Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) and company go rogue to clear IMF’s name. Simon Pegg and Ving Rhames return while Ethan’s newest cohorts consist of Paula Patton and Jeremy Renner, who may or may not be taking over the series’ reigns after this installment. Also be on the lookout for Josh Holloway, Tom Wilkinson, and Michael Nyqvist. If the teasers and trailers are any indication however, there’s still too much life in the series for it to end here. And with producer J.J. Abrams touting Bird’s IMAX footage as “mind-blowing,” it’s just further proof that if they decided to end things here, at least they seem to be going out with a bang.

For the kiddie set, there’s yet another entry to the dreadful “Alvin and the Chipmunks” series. Some day studios will learn that this live-action/CGI hybrid stuff just doesn’t work. But alas, audiences keep flocking, the rest of the world keeps suffering, and Jason Lee will keep getting work. Too bad “My Name is Earl” was canceled bringing him back to this dreadful looking fiasco. This time the crew finds themselves “Chip-wrecked” (hardy har har) on a deserted island where they seem to bide their time waiting for rescue singing Lady Gaga songs. As if some of her work wasn’t already annoying enough, we should never have the “opportunity” to feast our ears upon her playlist by way of the “Chipmunks.”

December 21

In the interest of there being six big movies opening within four days, we’ll keep the rest of this shorter and sweeter. Today we get two of the most highly anticipated films of the season, along with two high profile directors, but two wholly different features, both featuring protagonists on a mighty quest. In Steven Spielberg’s first foray into motion capture technology comes his adaptation of Hergé’s beloved “Adventures of Tintin.” While the “Secret of the Unicorn” subtitle has been dropped, screenwriters Steven Moffat (“Doctor Who”), Edgar Wright (“Shaun of the Dead”), and Joe Cornish (“Attack the Block”) will be making sure they keep things on a grand scale. On the flip side of things, David Fincher returns to his darker roots with his Hollywood version of “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” With Daniel Craig stepping in as Mikael Blomkvist and Rooney Mara taking over as Lisbeth Salander, we’ll see if Fincher can one up the original Swedish version of Stieg Larsson’s acclaimed novel.

December 23

When you haven’t released a film in six years people are going to hold you up against your yesteryears. For Cameron Crowe, this means the ilk of such films as “Say Anything…,” “Singles,” “Jerry Maguire,” and “Almost Famous.” While I am a fan of one of his two lesser but more recent affairs (“Vanilla Sky,” not “Elizabethtown”), when you have Matt Damon in the lead, you could probably make any kind of film you wanted. What Crowe has decided to bring us is an adaptation of Benjamin Mee’s true life account of uprooting his family to a zoo to spend their days. Hilarity and lots of heart will undoubtedly prevail.

December 25

There have been lots of horror movies released on Christmas Day. So finding a 3-D alien invasion flick headed our way should come as no huge surprise. I still remember going to see “The Faculty” on the year’s biggest holiday, even if I was one of extremely few. Coming from the man who directed a great little horror diddy already, “Right at Your Door,” we’ll see if Chris Gorak can make due with producer Timur Bekmambetov (“Wanted”) behind him as aliens attack Moscow and Emile Hirsch must save the day in “The Darkest Hour.”

Films about 9/11 have started to dwindle as of late, but thankfully none of them have been anywhere near as cinematically abysmal as “Remember Me.” Thankfully for “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close,” a writer (Eric Roth of “Forrest Gump”) and director (Stephen Daldry, “Billy Elliot”) with some class have been brought on to direct a grade-A cast (Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock, John Goodman, Max von Sydow, Viola Davis). Newcomer Thomas Horn may have won “Teen Jeopardy” but now he’s making the leap from the small screen to the big one to portray young Oskar Schell who’s in search of the lock that a key from his father (Hanks) left behind after dying in the 9/11 attacks. Heartstrings will be pulled but I suspect the sentiment will be real for a change.

And finally, Steven Spielberg gives us a second helping of cinema with his big screen epic adaptation of “War Horse.” When Michael Morpurgo’s novel has already been brought to us on stage with puppets and five Tony Awards no less, I’m sure Spielberg will find a way to make sure his film is of the grand scale it deserves. Having screenwriting masterminds Lee Hall (“Billy Elliot”) and Richard Curtis (“Love Actually,” “Four Weddings and a Funeral”) can’t hurt either. I’ve heard the scope of the film is everything old school in both Hollywood and Spielberg so my fingers are crossed that the 147 minute runtime is well deserved.

With nothing opening after Christmas Day until 2012, there’s clearly already way too much headed our way anyway. With the Thanksgiving films hopefully holding over as well, there’s plenty to keep everyone occupied with too many worthwhile films to see. Have a safe and happy holiday everyone and we’ll see you next year!

Movie Review: “Arthur Christmas”

“Arthur Christmas” deserves to find its legs over the holiday season.

**** out of 5
Rated PG for some mild rude humor
97 minutes
Sony Pictures Animation

Article first published as Movie Review: Arthur Christmas on Blogcritics.

As much as I love watching my annual onslaught of horror movies every October, even more so do I love my Christmas season movies. The standards are obvious (“White Christmas,” “A Christmas Story,” “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation,” “Scrooged”). But I also love the not so standards (“Gremlins,” the first two “Die Hards,” “Lethal Weapon”). Probably my all time favorite Christmas film would have to be “Love Actually.” Sadly, the last decade has been pretty shoddy with Hollywood's treatment of the genre. Now it appears like Aardman Animation is attempting to save the day with “Arthur Christmas.”

Last year we received the surprise Finnish present, “Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale,” but aside from that, our very own Hollywood has been treating us for years with worthless entries. Ranging from “Disney’s A Christmas Carol,” “Four Christmases,” “Fred Claus,” “Deck the Halls,” “The Santa Clause 3,” “Surviving Christmas,” “Christmas with the Kranks,” and “The Polar Express,” it seems as if studio execs have had it in for the holiday – the few exceptions being “Bad Santa,” “Elf,” and the aforementioned “Love Actually.”

Here, Arthur (voiced by James McAvoy) is one of Santa’s (voiced by Jim Broadbent) two sons. Arthur bides his time working in the letters department, answering letters addressed to dear old Santa Claus and making sure they believe his bowl full of jelly. Steve (voiced by Hugh Laurie) happens to be Santa’s other son. He runs mission control for old Saint Nick. If you’ve ever wondered how Santa manages to deliver his gifts to all the children of the world, this movie may just take the cake in answering the age-old question. Having just returned from this year’s “mission,” aboard the S-1 (which looks an awful lot like the Starship Enterprise), Steve and Santa are certain that not one child has been missed.

Turns out that Gwen (voiced by Ramona Marquez), in Cornwall, England, has in fact been missed. All she wants is a new bike, found in its wrapping by a giftwrapping elf named Byrony (voiced by Ashley Jensen). While Steve convinces Santa that one child is a miniscule detail, Arthur is convinced that it could mean the end of everything they stand for. Now Arthur embarks on his own mission to deliver the bike himself because no child should be left behind. Along with his Grandsanta (voiced by Bill Nighy) and Byrony stowed away, they break out Grandsanta’s original 150-year-old sleigh, Evie, and they’re off on a series of hilarious misadventures, complete with having the entire world thinking we may be under alien attack.

First time director Sarah Smith and co-writer Peter Baynham (“Borat,” “Big Train,” “I’m Alan Partridge”) bring a wicked sensibility to the film and never forget that there are adults in the audience too. While the film may not be a gut busting good time, there’s still a whole lot of heart and holiday cheer. It would take the coldest of souls to not walk out of the theater in the holiday spirit. A black sense of humor runs through the proceedings and it’s all for the better as it will whiz right over the youngest of heads but give the rest of us just as much to be thankful for. While Aardman may be best known for their brilliant claymation “Wallace & Gromit” adventures, it was only a matter of time before they too jumped on the computer-animated bandwagon. If this is what they’re bringing to the table, then by all means, the more the merrier.

The only misstep happens to come from Sony Pictures themselves. And that just so happens to be the inexplicable inclusion of a ludicrous Justin Bieber music video for his slaying of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” which precedes the film. The video comes complete with Michael Jackson dance styling infusion. While Bieber’s take may be just about one of the worst renditions of a classic song ever, at least the film itself more than makes up for the travesty inflicted upon us an unsuspecting audience. If you show up three minutes late to “Arthur Christmas” you’ll be doing yourself a huge favor.

Photos courtesy Sony Pictures Animation

Movie Review: “The Muppets”

Life's a happy song, now that "The Muppets" have returned.

***** out of 5
Rated PG for some mild rude humor.
98 minutes
Walt Disney Pictures

Article first published as Movie Review: The Muppets on Blogcritics.

When I turned one, my parents birthed an obsession. For my birthday they gifted me with my first Kermit the Frog plush and the seed was forever planted. Over the past 31 years apparently I have not been the only one. I just don’t have the means to make a movie about it. Thankfully, a fellow obsessor by the name of Jason Segel does. With the help from his friend Nicholas Stoller, the two have joined forces with “Flight of the Conchords” co-creator James Bobin to finally bring us the film fans have been clamoring for since 1996’s “Muppet Treasure Island” with “The Muppets.”

Segel may not be the first person who comes to mind when you think of someone to rebirth “kid’s” series. Making his way to stardom in R-rated raunch fests such as “Bad Teacher,” “I Love You, Man,” “Knocked Up,” and his own “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.” But bare in mind, it was probably “Sarah Marshall” that got him the job. His character Peter Bretter was also just a tad obsessed with puppetry and that film climaxed in one of the funniest puppet plays outside of anything Muppet related. It was no surprise to me when “The Muppets” was announced with Segel co-writing the screenplay alongside Stoller.

“The Muppets” immediately introduces us to brothers Gary (Segel) and Walter (Peter Linz). Walter just may be the Muppets' biggest fan. He owns everything from the Kermit watch to just about every other piece of Muppet memorabilia ever manufactured. Gary has a girlfriend named Mary (Amy Adams). She teaches at Smalltown Elementary and the three are about to embark on a ten year anniversary trip to Los Angeles. Mary isn’t particularly ecstatic to have Walter tagging along but Muppet Studios is in Los Angeles and there’s no way they could not take Walter.

Upon arrival, they find out, much to their dismay that Muppet Studios has been condemned and the group has fallen out. Walter sneaks into Kermit’s (Steve Whitmire) old office where he overhears Waldorf (Dave Goelz) and Statler (Whitmire) explaining to oily Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) that if the Muppets can’t come up with $10 million in two weeks they forfeit the studio lot along with their franchise title. Walter eventually explains the situation to Gary and Mary then it’s off to find Kermit’s “mansion” to enlist the help from the only frog who can rally everyone up.

Soon enough, Gary, Mary, Walter, Kermit, Fozzie (Eric Jacobson), Sam Eagle (Jacobson), Rowlf (Bill Barretta), Beaker (Whitmire), Dr. Bunsen (Goelz), and Electric Mayhem, are together again. The only missing piece of the puzzle, of course, is the inclusion of Miss Piggy (Jacobson). After traveling by map to Paris, where Miss Piggy works at Vogue Paris, she falls for the old Muppet Man gag but she informs everyone that she’s sworn to never rejoin the group after they too had a falling out after getting married.

Back in L.A. the Muppets have decided they need to get that $10 million to take back their studio and keep their name. After CDE Executive (Rashida Jones) informs them that they just aren’t famous anymore, they coincidentally come up with the brilliant idea for a telethon after Junior CDE Executive (Donald Glover) tells her that their hit show “Punch Teacher” has been canceled and now there’s a two-hour black hole of programming to fill. Only catch is, they have to have a celebrity host. While Kermit wrings through his rolodex of celebrities and comes up empty, Miss Piggy stages a “celebrinap” and now it’s Jack Black to the rescue – even if against his will. But Tex Richman has his own nefarious plans to replace them all with Bizarro World versions called “The Moopets.”

Can the Muppets come up with the $10 million in time before the deed to the studio and their namesake expire at midnight? Will Gary finally ask Mary to marry him? Does Walter have what it takes to become a true Muppet himself? Can Chris Cooper rap? All this and more is answered in the most hilarious, heartfelt film of the year. The jokes pile high and everything works. Leave it to the Muppets to make cameos hilarious again. The film stays true to Muppet roots while managing to usher in a new audience. I’m completely convinced that every adult in the audience was probably more excited than their children ever could be for this new entry to the Muppet canon. And let’s not forget the brilliant new songs brought to life by director Bobin co-written by his “Conchords” cohort Bret McKenzie. Instant classics, every last one.

And “The Muppets” isn’t even upstaged by the laugh till you cry “Toy Story Toons” that’s attached. Yes, the toys are back and in “Small Fry” they’re touching on issues even better suited than tricking Barbie and Ken into thinking they’re on a Hawaiian vacation. While Disney and Pixar were lambasted for providing us their official weakest link in “Cars 2” (which coincidentally is prominently featured on several billboards at least twice during the film), they both have completely redeemed themselves here. While “Super 8” had been my favorite film of the year, I was waiting to see if “The Muppets” could beat it. And yes, this is most definitely the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational film of the year, if not years.

Photos courtesy Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

Movie Review: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1”

Even a polished turd still stinks.

** ½ out of 5
117 minutes
Rated PG-13 for disturbing images, violence, sexuality/partial nudity and some thematic elements.
Summit Entertainment

It’s that time of the year again. Yes, it is the holidays, but the flavor of the week right now just so happens to be the third sequel and the first part of the so-called “worldwide phenomenon.” Yet again, the age-old drama of one woman’s love will be tested. First it was necrophilia and then it was bestiality, now comes just about the only taboo subject left uncharted: pedophilia. While this may not directly apply to the main characters, it certainly rears its hilarious head in “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1.”

When every film in your franchise has a new director, it has to be awfully hard to keep a consistent tone. Director Bill Condon’s resume consists of more adult films (“Dreamgirls,” “Kinsey,” “Gods and Monsters,” “Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh”). Parents would gasp if they even thought their tweens were watching at least three of those. What Condon has managed to bring to this installment is a slight sense of maturity. What the series still lacks is a sense of humor. Oh, there are plenty of laughs to be had for sure, but almost all of them are of the unintentional variety. I’m sure largely due to Melissa Rosenberg still not having much to work with from Stephenie Meyer's novel.

Anyone who doesn’t know an ounce of plot for this has either been living under a rock or is, thankfully for them, completely dismissive of the whole series. We begin with a slight recap from “Eclipse” as Jacob (Taylor Lautner) checks his invitation at the door to the wedding of Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) on his way to ripping off his shirt in the rain to transform into a wolf to go into hiding from his emotions out in the wilderness. Then we very briefly see some of the wedding prep, where I guess we’re supposed to be reminded that Bella is something of a tomboy as she gets training in high heels from Alice (Ashley Greene).

Now that Bella and Edward are married, they make a pit stop on their way to their honeymoon destination in Rio de Janeiro. Their final destination happens to be a seemingly deserted tropical island chock full of sunshine. Every vampire’s favorite hideaway these days, right? So even though Jacob gave Bella a stern talking to about the dangers of vampire sex, Bella just wants to get it on now that they’re happily married. After a few (literal) headboard breaking, pillow shredding, bruise inducing sex sessions, it’s only after two weeks that Bella realizes she’s missed her period. Or as the critic sitting next to me pointed out, “Of course, she’s late; otherwise, he’d be all over that.”

The new dilemma this time is finally realized as Bella and Edward must come to terms with the pregnancy. How a dead vampire’s sperm still swims, let alone how he gets an erection, is beyond me. Maybe Edward was turned with a hard on and he just hasn’t called a doctor since it’s been way longer than four hours, but I digress. Anyhow, Bella is taken under the wing of the Cullens’ and even Jacob comes to terms with her being one of them now, and everyone must find a way for Bella to have her little bundle of joy, even if it may kill her. I won’t go into spoiler territory, but if you can’t see where this is headed, you just may be the target audience.

There’s been a lot of talk recently about the sex scenes having to be trimmed in order to secure the tween friendly PG-13 rating. However, there’s really just about as much sex in here as anything on TV rated MA. I always thought that was reserved for R-rated deserving programming but apparently so long as you keep the thrusting to a minimum, it’s all good. Yes, the roadrunner effects pop up a few times, but don’t look anywhere near as bad as they did in the first three installments. But props must be given to Condon for his pacing. This is the first “Twilight” film that didn’t have me checking my watch every five minutes. Seriously, how dead paced are those first three? Sheesh.

Maybe the reason being is just how much funnier this one is than the others. Just you wait until you bare witness to one of the most singlehandedly flat out hilarious things ever committed to celluloid. I won’t give everything away, but let’s just say that the wolf effects are funnier than ever. And as if one wolf doesn’t look bad enough trouncing through the woods alone, wait until you see a whole pack of them… in broad daylight... talking to each other telepathically while howling and snarling. Oh man, just thinking back on this scene has me laughing out loud.

Needless to say, Condon has finally managed to bring a, dare I say, watchable “Twilight” film that for the first time didn’t leave me despising it upon leaving the theater. It’s still in no way a good movie and from the beginning, the series needed to tread the R-rated waters I’ve been told it embraces in the books. But alas, at least Summit has finally delivered something that actually looks like a film and not two hours of amateur hour. So if anyone is assuming I am giving this film a recommendation, let’s just say that even a polished turd is still a turd. Just because it’s shiny and new doesn’t make it any less of a stinker. But at least this time the men getting dragged along to “Breaking Dawn” won’t hate themselves the morning after.

Photos courtesy Summit Entertainment